July 26, 2022
We had just finished dinner at my favorite restaurant in Doolin when Mark (not his real name) decided to order dessert. After a few minutes he decided the tort had not arrived in a timely manner and called over one of the wait staff to loudly berate her, demanding 
immediate attention. Moments later the owner appeared with an apology and the tort which he placed in front of Mark with three extra forks in case he would want to share with the ladies. “It’s my goddamned tort!”, Mark shouted. As the owner backed away, the restaurant went silent. Before I got up and left the table saying I would not stay in that energy, Mark’s wife Carol (not her real name) apologized that sometimes he gets angry. By this time in our Ireland journey together, I was very aware of that.
Mark is eighty and has cancer. There was an understanding that the longing to be in Ireland was to have the time and space to set an intention for how he would navigate this journey to his death gate. This is the work of elders, to prepare ourselves for becoming ancestors and spending time with the ancestral energies in Ireland could inform and support that intention.
I was not aware that he was also deep into dementia. He is navigating a journey to both a mental and physical death gate. Huge thresholds. It was an honor, if at the same time a challenge, to support this journey. The challenge was in the anger and I kept reminding myself that anger is generally not the first emotion but one born of fear.
I’ve thought deeply about writing this post in part because I know Carol will read it. But the gifts of our time together are too significant. We are all going to approach these thresholds. For elders it’s likely that time will be sooner rather than later. And we have choices to make on how we will navigate this journey. We have the power and we hold the wisdom to set our intentions, to welcome the opportunity to decide how we will walk that threshold journey. For in facing and welcoming that opportunity we can step around the fear that leads to anger.
That time with Mark was a gift. It was a wonderful reminder that I choose not to encounter fear at the threshold.
Blessings of Crone Wisdom,
Judith
A Call To Crone 
Judith –
I too hope that we can all do the work necessary to avoid fear as we approach the threshold between life and spirit (or any other threshold for that matter). I find myself reflecting on how the “mind” and our “consciousness” influence our ability to stay out of the place of fear. Might it not be true that if or when our mind becomes less vital (as with dementia) our ability to overcome our animal instincts becomes less and less available. Arguably, it seems the animal part of us is hard wired for survival. Thus might it not be inevitable that somebody approaching death (e.g. facing a loss of survival) without the full capacity of the mind would necessarily struggle with fear and not have the resources that many of us have to manage or work with that. While I was not in Ireland to receive the gifts you did there, for me, the gift of this post is the invitation to step more fully into discerning the difference between fear that grows from our small self or ego and fear that erupts from our animal instinct to survive. Somehow these feel different to me though I am not, yet, exactly sure how. Just a few thoughts for additional reflection.
blessings,
Jean
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. Indeed, some things to consider. I don’t believe that animal/instinctual fear is the inevitable energy we would encounter. Certainly not a dominating one. While that is of mind and body, there is also the soul involved in this. And the soul knows there is no death. Perhaps it’s about engaging that aspect of ourselves more fully. Your comments prompt me to revisit an article I believe I’ve written about before…one that indicates new evidence suggests that while some brain/memory deterioration does happen with age, in fact there are parts of the brain that actually grow. These are the parts that allow us to let go of past anxieties and prepare us for this last transition. Will have to dig that out again. And perhaps another post around that. You raise interesting points to consider. Thank you.
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Love this Judith. Thank you for sharing. So important to remember that anger is a cloaked need for love x
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Thank you. Yes. Love is an essential energy in this.
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